Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Maxine's Cherry

So, the wife is due for a new car. She’s had hers for over ten years and since I got mine last year it’s her turn. We’re not getting it until next year but we’re currently doing our research. Yesterday we went to a Nissan dealer to check out the new 2 door Altima.
It’s very nice and sporty, just what she’s looking for. Of course the typical pushy salesman hounded us and the term “what do I need to do to earn your business today” was used about 2,450,545 times. The Altima seems to be her car of choice; she even named him “Patrick” already.
Patrick was the main topic of conversation the rest of the night, we discussed price, gas mileage, financing and all other things related to buying a car. Eventually the garage space topic came up and we talked about how we’d have both cars in the garage.
The wife then said, “Patrick is going to bust Maxine’s cherry”
I said “No he’s not”
Yeah he is, she said.

Suddenly I’m not liking this Patrick idea anymore!!!! The thought of Maxine having car sex with Patrick is really pissing me off!!!
I have these images of him screwing Maxine that I have not been able to get out of my head, it’s driving me crazy. Is there some kind of chastity belt thing for cars? If not I’m going to invent one.
I’m pretty sure Maxine is still a virgin because she currently shares a garage with the wife’s Kia, Maxine is a Cadillac and there’s no way she would put out for a freaking Kia. But I am worried about this Patrick, the new car smell, fancy new tires and shiny rims. Ahhhh I can’t….no….don’t….the horror !!!!! Dam you Patrick!!! Dam the day you were built!!!!
That’s it!!!
Patrick is going to be parked on the street!
On the rare occasions when I let Patrick sleep in the garage, I’m going to leave the light on and come in without warning. I’ll walk on my tippy toes if I have to.

Is this going to happen anyway?
Despite all my efforts is she going to eventually put out?
Maybe I should just resign myself that it’s going to happen. Maybe I should just pop her cherry myself so I can at least have that over him. I can look him straight in the headlights and say “I was her first”.
Yeah, that’s the perfect solution, when I get home today I’m going to give her a good wash. Park her in the garage, light a candle or two, pop some sensuous music in her CD player, Fiona Apple’s “Give me the first taste” is one of my favorite get layed songs and then remove her gas cap and get busy.
JA-JA-JA how’d you like that Patrick? I’m tapping that muffler too.
I wonder if that would improve my gas mileage? If it does I could become an instant millionaire due to my high testosterone levels. I should buy some advertising space on my own blog, $5.99 a quart.

20 comments:

Marie said...

First!

The Wife

Marie said...

I'd like to buy ad space on your blog please!

Maxine forsale "Cheap car for a Cheap price"


This reminds me of the Viva Las Vegas movie with Elvis, when his girlfriend sings, My rival is a baby blue racing car.

Bee said...

Patrick. Isn't that the leading gay man's names? You might luck and he'll be gay. Then you'll just have to worry about him pinching your ass as you walk by.

Bee said...

Oh and ::gag!::

Marie said...

Patrick is not gay, he's got lots of horsepower!

Stephanie said...

Hey, would a car cover be considered a chasity belt or a condom? Either way at least she'll have some protection!

Bee said...

Marie, he would have to in order to pound another male car.

Marie said...

That's it, no more late night car washes.

The Wife

Brian o Vretanos said...

Marie should get a female car as well...

Jean Knee said...

my car wears man shoes

Dan said...

Marie
Sorry but there anr no spaces available at the moment.

Bee
Yeah, he his a homo.

Stephanie
I decided he won't be allowed in the garage.

Brian
I like the way you think! I can have a threesome !

Jean Knee
Huh ? you are a strange one.

Tracy said...

Dan- you know Bee has a point. If Patrick does turn out to be gay, you may need to worry about him popping your cherry instead of maxines.

Bee said...

Dan, how about you just look for your wife??

Dan said...

Bee
For a Foursome !!!!

Tracy
Well, this one time I was really drunk and....

Bee said...

Dude you are sooooo sick!

Tracy said...

I should have known, Dan. But you seemed like such a manly man. I just should have known better.....not that there's anything wrong with that....:)

Dan said...

I was just kidding, I am a manly man, not there's anything wrong with that.

Nancy27 said...

I think you are due for a new post.

Tracy said...

Ok Dan, it's time to post about something else. I'm tired of coming over here and reading the same title about Maxine's cherry every day! Get on it!

Dan said...

sorry, been kind of busy.
Promise one for tommorow.