Friday, March 7, 2008

Careful what you ask for

So a couple of days ago the wife was doing some work around the house, dishes, cooking or something, you know the normal wife stuff. I could tell that she was upset over something but I have no idea what so I ask her.
Why are you upset?
She goes on a rant about cleaning and cooking and how a woman’s work is never done bla, bla, bla, while I get to sit around watching TV bla, bla, bla. She gets home tired from work too bla, bla, bla.

You see, me and the wife have had a pretty good deal since we first moved in together.
I do all the man stuff that needs to be done inside and outside the house. She never has to clean snow, take out the garbage, clean Nikki’s shit, mow the lawn, fix stuff around the house, build pergolas (yea, I just had to bring that up again !!! my blog would be nothing without my beautiful pergola) See, that is my responsibility, I wouldn’t want her doing any of these things. Lately it seems like she’s been trying to sneak new stuff in, I mop the floors every now and then and help her put away my clothes, shit the other day I even helped her match my socks. If I have to continue doing this I’m buying 20 new pair that are exactly the same and throwing away all the old ones. I even started bringing all the dishes to the sink because according to her if I see her doing dishes I should at least gather all the dirty ones around the house and bring them to her.

Since she seemed to be very upset and felt that her load was way bigger than mine I in my infinite retardation told her. If you want my help with something else just ask me, don’t assume I’m just going to put my shoes in the closed out if the kindness of my heart, in fact just put down in writing what you want me to help you with and I’ll do it. I should have known there was something fishy going on when she all of the sudden got over her bad mood.
Here is the list that was given to me last night.

1) Remove sheet and pillow cases from our bed and replace with clean ones.
2) Pick up all dirty laundry and take down to the basement.
3) Hang up and put away all clean laundry.
4) Dust all the dressers.
5) Take any dishes to the kitchen.
6) Sweep the floors.
7) Scrub bedroom toilet with Ajax.
8) Scrub bathtub with Ajax.
9) Scrub sink with Ajax.
10) Wipe all the wood surfaces with wood polish.
11) Empty bathroom trash.
12) Mop floors every other week
.
You can start feeling sorry for me now! Are you kidding me wife, are you kidding me. I think I’m moving back to my mommy’s.
I was expecting something like put your shoes away and pick up Nikki’s toys. What she gave me is like a whole Saturday worth of stuff, might even bleed into Sunday!
After giving me this enormous list she proceeded to turn off the lights, then using both our cell phones like glow sticks she did some kind of victory woman dance.
If anyone would like to assist me with my new job please feel free to stop by.
Is this fair? I need the people to weigh in on this one.
This is my eleventh post, no cheating you can’t be 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th.

26 comments:

Bee said...

From now on your nickname will be Cinderella.

Anonymous said...

This is your funniest blog yet!!! I think you should be happy to help out your poor over worked wife. It's seems like you have it pretty good, she COOKS, CLEANS, and puts on a LIGHT SHOW, lucky.


Anonymous

Anonymous said...

Does she cook every day? Wasn't there a thing about lent that you put up saying you ate fast food?

Dan said...

Bee
I'll kick you if you call me that.

anonymous I
Thanks, I am happy to help but I guess the new list is TOO MUCH HELP.

anonymous II
She cooks almost everyday but when she doesn't or there isn't enough leftovers for lunch I get the fast food.

Marie said...

Sweetie,

One suitecase or two?

Of course I cook all the time. Dan eats fast food once in a while for lunch, but he normally has a packed lunch too. Beat that!

The Wife

Bee said...

I'm not scaurd of you Cinderella.

Bee said...

Would you like me to call you Cindy? ;op

Anonymous said...

So what is she going to do? Besides grocery shopping, dishes and dishes? Seems to me this list not balanced. How about you both sit down and write EVERYTHING that has to be done in the house man stuff also and split it down the middle since you both work.

Anonymous said...

Dan,

I got married just so I would not have to do any of those chores any longer, joking of course (eyes wide open, pupils dilated expecting, a size 7 female shoe to hit the side of my face, in slow motion).

Thanks Dan, as you start doing more chores around the house, I instantly see my list growing exponentially. Not that I currently have a list, but if there was one, it would grow fo' sho'.

My wife and I have the perfect arrangement, she is the best cook in the world and I eat the food with a non stop smile on my face (picture Chris Rock when he does his YES MASSA routine) and tell her how fabulous it is.

I do my own laundry because I am too lazy to fix my socks, t-shirts, underwear the right way after turning them inside out. One day I told my wife "look, this is the way I have been removing my socks/underware/t-shirts for 31 years of my life, how can I change now??? I will do my own laundry OK?" So she said "fine you do your own laundry", I was expecting a "oh, for 31 years huh? Well I guess I can go the extra step and do it for you". Didn't happen.

Last, we clean the house together, she has the kitchen and baths, and bedroom (I think), and I have the rest.

Stand your ground brother, we are in this fight together. Madden tonight? That list is quite excessive, don't you all think?

SC

Bee said...

Au contraire, mon frair.
I think the list isn't long enough for little Cinderella.
I say add more. MORE!

Bee said...

SC, let this be the last timw I hear/read about your unders.

Marie said...

What poor Danny forgot to mention about the list is that it only pertains to the Master Bedroom and Bath.

The other rooms of the house are still my responsibility:

3 Bedrooms
3 Bathrooms
Kitchen
Living room
Dinning room
Exercise room
Family room

Do you really want to split the chores down the middle, I'd be happy too!

Bee said...

Oh-Oh.
Now you're in trouble.

Dan, you're gonna tell me you didn't get even a little weepy when you saw Bret Favrerer cry?

I did. I wanted to go give him a big hug.

Nancy27 said...

I like the list idea!

Big Tex and I have one. It's a bit off balance I do more but that's only cause His version of clean is not my version of clean. I'm happy with him doing all the heavy lifting especially now.

ONce the baby is here his list will totally get longer!

Dan said...

Bee
I will administer punishment next time I see you.

anonymous III
I agree with you. She's gonna have to do some man stuff now.

SC
Its too late for me but since you're a newleywed my advise would be for you not to give in.
Call me later see if I can play, I might be too busy with the toilet.

Bee
You have been diqualified from the 11th on the 11th post.

Marie
Uhhhh, Uhhhhh I tink I'll quit while still ahead. But that's it !
I'm going to laminate the list, once somthing is laminated it can never be changed.

Bee
No, I was cracking up, what a pansy.

Nancy
You shouldn't be doing anything since you're about to pop.

Marie said...

X-X-O-O and sometimes U

Brian o Vretanos said...

I'm sorry Dan, but you'll have to do as you're told, as there's no arguing with women.

However, she's certain to find that despite your best efforts you're not doing them as well as she could, and so will start doing them again eventually.

Bee said...

You know what's funny?
Andy always tries to help me with the sweeping, mopping, etc but I always want to do it myself because he doesn't do it like I do.
So... good point.

Tracy said...

Dear Cinderella,
I was going to say the exact same thing Brian said, but less intellegently.
I do this to my husband from time to time and then he starts helping out and I get even more mad. Although, sometimes I think he does a shitty job just so I'll ask him to stop.
Have fun!

Marie said...

I'm not falling for the old trick, do a bad job and she'll do it herself, I don't think so! Of course he's not going to do it as good as me, but I'll learn to live with it. Remember he's doing our bedroom so no one else has to see it. Come on now lady's I know what I'm doing give me some credit

Stephanie said...

OMG! I remember those list! Those were the greatest snow days, spring breaks, MLK days, President's Days, Summer vacations, "I'm to sick to go to school" days! No matter what the occasion was there was always a list plastered on the refrigerator or TV.. She always knows exactly were to put it so you don't miss it..lol. The way I see it is.. you should be happy that this is your first list in.. how many years have you guys been together already.. 7?.. I don't know I'm bad with the memory.. but anyways.. the way I see it you've already gotten off easy.But here's something to think about.. what happens to that list once Manda leaves the house? LOL

Nancy27 said...

HEEEEY!

Just because I'm pregnant it doesn't mean I can't do stuff. Besides, I think as I get bigger he helps more and more since it's finally dawning on him that I am carrying a human being. Yeah, I know it took a while. :)

Dan said...

BOV
That doesn't work for me anymore, I used it to much early on, I should have saved that trick for later.

Tracy
You are not funny, you and Bee will pay dearly for this. Remember, I am the dictator.

Steph
This isn't the first list, I got many when I was "in between jobs"

Since it seems like no one remembers the 11th on the 11th post comments from my first post I'm taking credit for it myself.
11th !!!!

Esmeralda said...

Marie,
I think you need to add the "stinky", chocolate factory bathroom to his list.

All the women should unite and work on all kinds of lists. I think I need to start some kind of list.

In response to the DH comment, all I asked him to do was to take off his shirts the "right way" and to not put "sock balls" in the basket, to make things easier for me. I didn't mind doing his laundry all I wanted was that one little favor. The rest of the story you've read already...

Dan said...

esmeralda
please dont give her anymore ideas, anyway it's too late. The list has been laminated.

Jean Knee said...

I left a comment yesterday but I see blogger ate it. I think I was congratulating Marie on sharing the marriage