Tuesday, January 27, 2009

picture day

So, I know it’s a little late but better late then never.
This is a picture of Nikki The Dog taking a shit. I was going to use this for my Healthy Ice Cream post but figured no one wanted to see Nikki The Dog taking a dump.
Was I right ??????????

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Dumbass Dan

So, I’m not sure if I mentioned before that The Wife got me an iPhone for Christmas.
It’s the greatest phone ever invented in the history of man kind. I’d post a picture of it but I haven’t figured out how to take a picture of my iPhone with my iPhone.
It has so many applications that can be downloaded, many of them are free, most of them are 99 cents.
I downloaded an IQ test, I’ve always wanted to have confirmation on how smart I am. I figured I’d land somewhere in the 140-150’s, Bill Gates has an IQ of 150, George Washington scored 118, The highest IQ for our presidents belongs to Thomas Jefferson who scored 138 which makes me wonder why Bill Gates isn’t the President? Guess the money isn’t good enough.

Anyway, this test was a lot harder then I thought it would be, you have to answer all the questions in 1 hour and you need a calculator, a dictionary, a thesaurus, pen and paper and the internet open to be able to answer some of the questions.
Here is an example:

Which number is the odd one out?


What two numbers should replace the question marks?

The name of which creature can be placed on the bottom row to complete seven three letter words?

* * * * * * *

JRM: ???

So turns out that I’m a real dumbass, I scored a whopping 75, that’s just two points better then Mike Tyson. I’m two points away from biting someone’s ear off!
In my defense I should mention that I finished the test in about ten minutes, when I realized this test would actually require some serious concentration I just wanted to finish quickly to get my score. Had I taken the time and had a pencil and paper along with a calculator I’m sure I would have scored in the 150’s. I was also watching TV so my score doesn’t count, I'm going to re-take the test to prove to all of you that I’m not a dumbass!

1 hr. 3 minuts and 58 seconds later…….

This whole thing is stupid! How can a stupid test with stupid questions measure someone’s intelligence? It might be able to measure your knowledge but not your intelligence!
How does knowing the meaning of “laconic” relevant to anything! Intelligence can not be measured with a stupid test, it’s what you do in real life that matters.
I figured out how to take a picture of my phone with my phone, here is proof of my smartness!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Healthy Ice Cream

So, Nikki the dog is really starting to piss me off. Every time I sit down to eat she sits there looking at me with her pathetic “give me some of your food” look. Eat your own food Nikki, your bowl is full. Let me enjoy my food, don’t just sit there looking like an Ethiopian staring at me, praying that I drop a piece of my steak. I know your food sucks and you’re probably sick of eating the same thing every day but that’s not my problem. It’s not my fault you’re a dog.

Now that I think about it…..I take it back, I do feel sorry for you Nikki the dog. I can’t imagine having to eat the same food everyday. Back when I was a kid my grandfather always had dogs, he never bought them dog food, his dogs always ate and still eat leftover scraps from everyone’s plates. Might not be so healthy but if someone came to me and said “you have two choice eat the same thing everyday and live to be 90…..or eat whatever you want and live to be 88”. I would choose to eat whatever I wanted, hands down!

However we must take the whole dog year equals seven human years thing into account. So if someone told me that if I ate the same thing everyday I would live to be 90…..or eat whatever I wanted and live to be 76 I would probably feel different.

Huuummmmm………nah, I would still feel the same, I would rather eat what I wanted and give up 14 years of my life. Anything can kill you so why sacrifice eating healthy? I could have the healthiest diet in the world and go out one day and die in a car crash so why bother?

I’m gonna go get some Ice Cream, and give some to Nikki the dog too.

Why can’t vegetables taste like Ice Cream?

That’s what the government should be spending money on, instead of space exploration and other stupid studies they should have scientists working on how to alter the taste of food while still preserving all the healthy stuff.

I wonder how many years I would live if I ate dog food that tasted like chicken and beef and flautas everyday.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

My New Post

So, what’s up People? Remember me? It’s Dan, The Peoples rarely Blogger. I just saw a comment that Tracy left for me, it says NEW POST NOW!!!! Esmeralda also commented that she needed a new post so this NEW post is for them.

It’s been 3 weeks since my last post. I can’t even remember the last thing I wrote about, I’m going to check real quick…………………….Oh yeah, I wrote about how much I hate strangers and how I helped a couple of people out during a snow storm but no one would help me.

I wrote “that strangers don’t give a shit about helping strangers unless I’m the stranger helping another stranger”….that was pretty funny of me, I crack myself up.

I also wrote about peeing in the ally, that was fun.

According to my last post having my car stuck in the snow really sucked, I was there for about an hour I shoveled around it, pushed, kicked the tires but nothing was working!

I’m now having flashbacks of me all wet and cold trying to get Maxine out, I hope I don’t get sick just thinking about it.

It’s snowed a couple of times since then and I think my tenants still hold me responsible for the snow, it’s not my fault they live in Chicago, I didn’t invent snow. It’s not my fault that the earth goes round and around and that our city happens to be kind of far away from the sun this time of year.

I just noticed that I left out “it” on my last post. I wrote “Why is that my tenants” I should have written “Why is IT that my tenants” I really need to better job proof reading.

I hope you all liked my new post.