Wednesday, November 26, 2008

turkey lover

So, the Wife asked me to help out with the turkey because it was kind of heavy 19 lbs.

I made a horrible discovery, it’s obvious to me that when my poor turkey was alive someone made sweet sweet love to it and I have the turkey fuckers penis to prove it.

What a perv !!!!!!! Why would anyone fuck a turkey then leave their penis in there?

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I filled up Maxine’s tank with 35 bucks yesterday, gas is all the way down to $2.04 at my neighborhood gas station, why did I feel guilty about it?

I feel like I was ripping them off, gas was $4.99 a couple of months ago.

What’s the deal here, why is it so cheap now?

I think the government controls gas prices, got a war to pay for? They raise gas to $4.99.

Economy sucks! they lower gas to $2.04.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

So I heard the pregnant “man” is pregnant AGAIN!

I don’t know exactly why I despise this person but I do. You are not a man! You’re a woman with a beard who cut off her ta-tas (also known as boobs, jugs, tits, honkers, hooters, babaloos, bazookas, blinkers, bosom, cha-chas, chesticles, chumbawumbas, . funbags, gazongas, God’s milk bottles, headlights, knockers, milkmakers, milkshakes puppies, rack, ying-yangs and breasts) you don’t even look like a man. Take away the beard and you look just like your average ugly lesbian.

Poor kids, I feel so bad for them.


The Wife brought home the movie “Kung Fu Panda” last night. I usually hate all those stupid cartoon movies but this one was hilarious, if you haven’t seen it you should run out and get it.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

I'm back again, this time for good, until my computer breaks down that is !

So, it seems like my computer is working again so it seems like I should write a new post about something.

I went to a casino over the weekend, I didn’t win any money. Casinos don’t do much for me, I know the odds of winning are small so to me it’s like throwing away money.

The nearest Casino is actually in the state of Indiana, Chicago banned smoking in public places a few years ago. At first I didn’t really care and thought to myself “who cares if people smoke” but I have now learned to appreciate the no smoking law.

The Casino smelled like dog ass, people were smoking fags all over the place.

Little white fags and big dark brown cigars (what do they call cigars in England?)

I’ll never go to that Casino again, it was so ghetto.

The Wife and I each had 60 dlls to gamble with. I was playing electronic poker, 5 cents a hand. After playing for 5 minutes The Wife comes over to see how I was doing, she had gone burned her 60 bucks and was now trying to take over my machine.

“New blood, new blood” she said as she’s pushing me off my seat.

She ended up losing 40 of my dollars.

A couple of years ago we went to Vegas, after we lost our first 100 bucks we stopped gambling.

I need to learn how to play the card games, slots are way to boring. I want to play a game where I can win by using my brain. I saw the movie 21 the other day, it looked pretty easy. If any of you want to join my gambling team let me know, I’m taking applications now. There will be a one time non refundable 1,000 dollar initiation fee.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


this is a test.....

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Voter Dan

So, I got up extra early and voted for Barack. Hope he does a good job, hope he doesn’t get shot by some crazy skinhead.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to vote at all but The Wife dragged me to the polls this morning. I was stupid enough to vote for Bush (twice) so I feel kind of responsible for all the wrong that he has done.
I wanted to sit this one out to be able to say “well, you voted for him” but in the end I’m glad I voted. Chris Rock was the biggest influence in my final decision.
I just could vote for McCain, he’s just way too old and “mavricky” for me.

Does anyone know what happened to that girl from Small Wonder, I was watching “Terminator, The Sarah Conner Chronicles” yesterday, the terminator chick, who by the way is super hot reminded me of her.
That song was cool “She’s a small wonder”

I hope Obama wins, this is his home town. I’m worried about riots is he doesn’t.
Good thing I got riot insurance.

**posted by Bee because Dan's computer sucks cow ass.