Saturday, July 26, 2008

Horse Heaven......Horse Hell

So, I was flipping channels the other day and came across a story on “Real Sports with Brian Gumbel” it was about a horse named Storm Cat. Storm Cats father was Secreteriat a horse that won the triple crown, not sure exactly what that means but it sounds impressive. Well, Storm Cat’s race career wasn’t all that great so after he retired from racing his owners turned him into a male horse prostitute. The original stud fee was around $10,000.
A couple of years later Storm Cats kids were kicking all form of ass on the race track.
Because of this Storm Cats horse sperm was now in high demand, his fee reached the ridiculous amount of $ 500,000 per each successful pregnancy.
Storm Cats average day went as follows:
Wake up, get fed, run around a bit, have a morning sex session with a female horse, chill for a few hours and have an evening sex session with a different horse.
Things didn’t always go as planed, during an early sex session a female wasn’t in the mood (must have had a headache) and kicked him. Now these are million dollar horse balls that must be protected so what do the owners do?
They get another horse to have horse foreplay with the female to determine if she’s in the mood, so this poor bastard horse gets all excited and mounts the female. If she lets herself be mounted they take him down and bring in Storm Cat to have sex with her.

This is the worst case of animal cruelty I’ve EVER heard of.
Where the fuck are you PETA when you’re really needed !!!!!!

Please save this poor bastard horse from never ending blue balls.
They should at least have the sable boy finish the job every once in a while.
This is worse then anything Dante came up with.


Bee said...


Bee said...

Just like a man! All the think about is sex!

BWAHAHAHA! Hilarious dude!

Brian o vretanos said...

I've never understood why no-one complains about horse-racing. If circuses are bad, then surely so are horse races? But, apparently not.

I suppose it wouldn't be so bad for the stud if he was getting the cash instead of the owner, who's not had to exert himself.
Maybe they should sell his services for oats instead of dollars.

Dan said...

It's not bad for the stud!!!
He's in heaven

It's bad for the other horse that never has sex, he's in hell!

Brian o vretanos said...

Apart from being a crucial part of your cowboy lifestyle, I'm not sure why we bother with horses at all. It's amazing that people complain about casinos and gambling but still think racing is a good idea.

Horses' main purpose appears to be providing meat for pet food, but there are kangaroos for that...

Brian o vretanos said...

Whilst we're on the subject of cruelty, what about this from Wiki:

"Drinking their own horse's blood allowed the Mongols to ride for extended periods of time without stopping to eat."

I hope you've had your brunch now - I wouldn't want to put you off your food...

Dan said...

So what should we do with the horses? kill them all?

LOBO said...

LOL ... Man that was pretty dark. But you have to wonder. $50,000 for a "successful", eh, you know ... "inception"? Not a good business model.

Kids cost like at least two to three hundred a year to raise. And then there's college ... plus Storm Cat will never get over that other horse "warming her up" ... every time she says 'no', he'll be like all, "Well you sure were fine with it when Thunderbolt was doin it!"

Ultimately there's an ugly divorce, child support, visitation ...

That's why I charge a minimum of $250,000 ...

Tracy said...

Winning the Triple Crown means that a horse won:
The Kentucky Derby in Louisville, Ky
The Preakness Stakes in Baltimore, MD
and the
The Belmont Stakes In Elmont, NY

It's a big deal for a horse to win the triple crown and no other horse has won since Affirmed in 1978 so every year we watch to see if we're going to get another triple crown winner.

And I think that both male horses should feel lucky to get to have actual sex since they sell plastic horse vaginas to get the sperm and then they sell the valuable goo for artificle insemination.

Tracy said...

I used to own horses so I know all of this stuff.
Plus I want to go to the Kentucky Derby and wear a huge silly hat.

Tracy said...

But atleast now I'm 11th. Silly hat or not.

Brian o vretanos said...


If we didn't use horses for anything, they'd die out - unless there are still wild ones around.

Dan said...

Kids cost two / three hundred a year to raise?

Thanks for all the info on the crown thing.
And what the hell are you talking about!!!
The whole point I was trying to make is that Storm Cat is the one having all the fun while the other horse never gets to do it.
They should get him a plastic horse vagina.

A wild horse is called a Mustang. "So if we didn't use them they would die out" What?

Brian o vretanos said...

I don't think we have wild horses here. You don't go out into the countryside and see horses wandering around - only the non-wild variety. So if they didn't have horse racing, no-one would breed them and there wouldn't be any horses here any more. Which wouldn't be a bad thing as far as I can see.

They're a great delicacy in France.

Tracy said...

Dan- I was talking about the three races that a horse has to win to get a triple crown. I was trying to help educate you so that when you're having this conversation in public people don't think you're a dumbass when you say "he was one who won a triple crown, whatever the hell that means." I was trying to save you. Geesh.

Jean Knee said...

oh geeze, plastic horse vagina?? I think that would be worse than getting all worked up and then nothing.

What do you think men? Would you rather get worked up with a lady and then nothing or would you rather copulate with a plastic vagina?

Dan said...

I said thatk you for the info.

I was saying that the other horse doesn't "do it" because you wrote
"I think that both male horses should feel lucky to get to have actual sex"

I think you took it the wrong way.

It's always better to finish off.

Queen Goob said...

None of the horses are having sex, they "did it" in a cup. With the stable boy. Watching.


Rhonda said...

Really? This is what you worry about it? What is the deal with men and their BALL obsessions?

Dan said...

I feel sorry for the horse, that's all.

Dan said...

My boss told me that someone has to make sure that "things" go in the proper direction.
That job must suck !

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