Pee and the 80's

So, I went to a Sox game (baseball) on Friday with my brother Serge . For some reason I feel really safe with him around, like I can talk shit to all the opposing teams fans and know that if there’s any trouble he’ll have my back.
It was 80’s night so a lot of the staff and a few fans were walking around wearing all the ridiculously stupid looking eighties gear. I also saw people wearing mullet hair cuts.
Thru out the night 80’s music was being played thru the speakers of the stadium, this is when I came to realize how much eighties music really sucks ass. Here are a few songs I heard, they also had a live band playing some of this crap.
The “Take on me song” Take on me, take me on, take me on wawaduaooooo Sucks!
“Walk like an Egyptian” Sucks! They played songs from The Cure that I don’t know by name, they all suck. Early Madonna, sucks. That “ Don’t you forget about me song” from that crappy breakfast club movie sucks. I could go on and on. If you grew up in the eighties I feel your pain. They did play some early Michael Jackson that I don’t hate, the Mamase mamama mamama fu sa song isn’t bad, but I keep on waiting for Rihana’s voice and “Please don’t stop the music” after that.

I hate going to the bathroom at sporting events, you always miss out on the good stuff. My brother missed out on a 3 run hommer while peeing. I must have a very large bladder because when I’m drinking I can hold it in for a while before I have to go. I would say the average man pees 3 times before I have to go. I always unload before the game is over if I don’t by the time I get to the car I’ll be ready to explode.
What sucks is that I always seem to bet on the wrong horses. When you walk into the bathroom at a sporting event there’s like 10 lines of guys waiting to take a leek, I always seem to pick the line with the slowest peers. I’ve tried several different formulas, I first walk in and look at the size of the men (that sounded kind of gay) I pick the line with the thinner shorter men because I figure they’ll pee faster. Well, I’m always wrong, all the other lines are moving along much faster then mine. I’ve also tried picking the line with the biggest men, that doesn’t work either. I’ve also tried waiting for a toilet, the lines for the toilets are always shorter then the pee line but my luck always sucks! The other toilet lines are moving along but I have to be standing on the line where everyone is taking a shit. There’s no real way to tell which line would be the fastest. Next time I’m asking them “Excuse me Sir, how many beers did you drink since your last pee?”

Are there some kind of special pants I could get? I know someone must have already invented some kind of pants that attach to your “love muscle” with some kind of plastic lining or bag for pee storage. It would be good for sporting events and long road trips.