Cowboy Dan

So, The Wife is making me move to Texas in 10 years, she hates the cold winters and says that if I want to go visit the family in Mexico it would be a manageable 10-15 hour drive depending on how close to the border we are. I’m not crazy about the idea although I definitely think I would make a good Cowboy, here are a few reasons why.

1) I’ve seen all the Young Gun’s movies at least twice.
Emilio Estevez played “Billy the kid” and was a badass in the movies, I have no doubt that I could beat the crap out of Emilio Estevez any day of the week.

2) I haven’t seen “Brokeback Mountain” no self respecting Cowboy would, I think it’s actually illegal to be gay in Texas, not there’s anything wrong with that. No problems there since I’m such a manly man.

3) I don’t like county music but I do think Carrie Underwood is hawt and that Dolly Parton still has nice jugs.

4) I’ve shoot me a gun before, brother Serg took me to the gun range a few weeks ago so I know how to handle a “piece”. Better not fuck with Cowboy Dan cause he’ll bust a cap in your ass!

5) I think I danced the electric slide at a club once although it might have been the “Macarena” so I guess it really doesn’t count. It also could have been the Cha-Cha Slide.

6) I don’t shave or cut my hair very often, I usually have the scrubby beard, mad scientist look. Although my hair is not an issue since I’ll be wearing my cowboy hat all the time.
If you’re a man and you have your eyebrows done and get manicures you might as well have a vajayjay. What’s up with the man earrings?

7) I rode me a horse when my brother got married in a Mexican Hacienda it was more then a horse, more like an enormous BEAST horse, never mind the fact the horse went all crazy and took me up a rocky mountain, the son of a bitch horse was running under trees that had low branches so I had to cover my head with my arms, when the son of a bitch horse finally came to a stop my arms and hands were bruised and bloody.

8) I already own me a cowboy hat, see picture below of me and the son of a bitch horse.

9) My grandfather owns a pick-up truck and some goats.

10) At one of my old jobs we had a customer that bought leather from us to make cowboy chaps, I used to talk to the owner all the time so I’d get a good deal on them.

I’m a little worried about one thing though, if its so hawt down there I won’t be wearing my Wrangler Jeans a whole lot. As Nancy pointed out I’m in shorts and flip flops all summer. Would I stick out too much in shorts and flip flops and a cowboy hat? Shorts, flips flops, cowboy hat and cowboy chaps, the new look of the modern cowboy.
Here I am with the son of a bitch horse beast.

I hope Cowboys like Ice Cream.