Sunday, May 25, 2008

Cowboy Dan

So, The Wife is making me move to Texas in 10 years, she hates the cold winters and says that if I want to go visit the family in Mexico it would be a manageable 10-15 hour drive depending on how close to the border we are. I’m not crazy about the idea although I definitely think I would make a good Cowboy, here are a few reasons why.

1) I’ve seen all the Young Gun’s movies at least twice.
Emilio Estevez played “Billy the kid” and was a badass in the movies, I have no doubt that I could beat the crap out of Emilio Estevez any day of the week.

2) I haven’t seen “Brokeback Mountain” no self respecting Cowboy would, I think it’s actually illegal to be gay in Texas, not there’s anything wrong with that. No problems there since I’m such a manly man.

3) I don’t like county music but I do think Carrie Underwood is hawt and that Dolly Parton still has nice jugs.

4) I’ve shoot me a gun before, brother Serg took me to the gun range a few weeks ago so I know how to handle a “piece”. Better not fuck with Cowboy Dan cause he’ll bust a cap in your ass!

5) I think I danced the electric slide at a club once although it might have been the “Macarena” so I guess it really doesn’t count. It also could have been the Cha-Cha Slide.

6) I don’t shave or cut my hair very often, I usually have the scrubby beard, mad scientist look. Although my hair is not an issue since I’ll be wearing my cowboy hat all the time.
If you’re a man and you have your eyebrows done and get manicures you might as well have a vajayjay. What’s up with the man earrings?

7) I rode me a horse when my brother got married in a Mexican Hacienda it was more then a horse, more like an enormous BEAST horse, never mind the fact the horse went all crazy and took me up a rocky mountain, the son of a bitch horse was running under trees that had low branches so I had to cover my head with my arms, when the son of a bitch horse finally came to a stop my arms and hands were bruised and bloody.

8) I already own me a cowboy hat, see picture below of me and the son of a bitch horse.

9) My grandfather owns a pick-up truck and some goats.

10) At one of my old jobs we had a customer that bought leather from us to make cowboy chaps, I used to talk to the owner all the time so I’d get a good deal on them.

I’m a little worried about one thing though, if its so hawt down there I won’t be wearing my Wrangler Jeans a whole lot. As Nancy pointed out I’m in shorts and flip flops all summer. Would I stick out too much in shorts and flip flops and a cowboy hat? Shorts, flips flops, cowboy hat and cowboy chaps, the new look of the modern cowboy.
Here I am with the son of a bitch horse beast.

I hope Cowboys like Ice Cream.


Brian o Vretanos said...


Ride by firsting......

Gideeeeee up!!!!!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

More John Belushi than John Wayne...

Dan said...

John Belushi was fat!
I'm all muscle.

Brian o Vretanos said...

I'm sure that's all true, but that second picture reminds me of Animal House.

Tracy said...

Ummmm, Dan, I've got to point something out to you. That horse doesn't really look that big. I mean, I grew up with horses and have even ridden Amish work horses that are in the Clydesdale family, now those puppies are BIG, but your horse kind of looks like a pony you would see at a kids birthday party. Just thought I'd point that out for you.
This post sounded a lot like my list of why I thought I would be good with a samarai sword after watching both of the Kill Bill movies.
Oh and I liked Brians yeeehaar!

Bee said...

Were you afraid banditos were gonna come and eat your ice cream???

Bee said...

Tracy, I think he was kidding about the size.

Dan said...

I was not kidding abut the size, that son of a bitch horse was a BEAST !!!

Jean Knee said...

Dan, you would absolutely make a good cowboy. What kind of ice cream was that? mmm

The horse was puny, but sometimes the small ones are very ornery especially if you haven't ridden one before (they can tell and then try to knock you into things as you found out)

I rode a mule bareback one time and that thing dumped me off its back quicker than you can sing Dixie. it's true

Bee said...

Dan, you are such a nutball.

Bee said...

How was Narnia??

Marie said...

I won't say the horse was a beast; it just had a mind of its own. It took Dan up a steep hill and the rest of the group just watched with our mouth open waiting for Dan to fall, but he didn't. He held on tight to his pony I mean stallion. :-)

The Wife

Nancy27 said...

Dan, wasn't that the same horse that Natalia rode on??

Just kidding.

In defense of Dan and as the person that took the picture, I took it from a balcony looking down, the horse was bigger than it looks.

After Dan's experience the horse guy was only letting more experienced riders on it. For some odd reason when the guy saw Big Tex he didn't let him ride it either.

Dan said...

Jean Knee
Thanks, that meens allot comming from a tru Texan. Don't remember what kind of Ice Cream it was.

We did not see Narnia, we was Indiana Jones and it sucked.

The Wife
Pony !!!!! you ain't getting none tonight!

How do you even dare compare one of those sissy Amish horses to my beast.

I did not know that he wouldn't let anyine else ride it and the fact that the guy wouldn't let a true Texan ride it vindicates me.