Sunday, May 4, 2008

I'm affraid

So today is my last day of vacation, I start my new job tomorrow. The Wife asked me a little while ago if I was nervous and I told her no. Truth is that I am a little nervous, not because I’m nervous about meeting new people or the whole trying to fit in thing, I’m not starting this job expecting to make any friends. The owner said I had the authority to kick ass and take names, I’d like to think I was hired to kick ass and chew gum.
The current work force stands around 140 people, contrary to the bone company the work force is mostly male. I assume the owner is going to formally introduce me tomorrow, I have my speech all worked out already, would you like to hear it? Here it goes:

“I’m very happy to be here, to be a part of the team and I look forward to working with all of you”

I like to keep things short and sweet.

This is not the reason I’m nervous though, the thought of standing in front of a bunch of people I don’t know and giving them my speech does not scare me.
What scares me is the freaken physical I’ll be taking tomorrow.
When I was hired I was told that I had to go take a physical and drug test, I was told they would call me last week to go take it but they never did. So I assume that I’ll be taking this physical on Monday. I’m hoping and prying that all I’ll have to do is pee in a cup.
I hope the doctor doesn’t ask me to get naked, I hate getting naked for doctors!!!!!
I've been blessed so far with great health but I have had one pervert doctor play with my “huevos” before and making me cough. What the fuck is up with that? Freaken Perv!!!
The thought of this make me want to throw up, what if the Dr. wants to check my ass too?
I’m only 31, far to young to be submitted to the ass test but since I’ll be standing there all exposed already I wouldn’t put it past the Dr. to want to take a closer look at my stink hole.

I wish I had thought about this before I accepted the position, if I had I would have negotiated higher pay.

13 comments:

Bee said...

FIRST

Bee said...

Nice speech.

As my gift to you on your first day, I will not make any gay jokes about how you might enjoy it.
M'Kay?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

I've never had the coughing test. You'd have thought that modern technology would come up with a better one, especially as it is useless for half the populaton...

I hope it all goes well.

Tracy said...

I sure hope he doesn't stick his fingers up your pooper Dan! teehee In case he does though, please do tell us about it..teehee.. I promise not to laugh...teehee.

Seriously, good luck with your new job. I hope it goes great.

Esmeralda said...

ROFLMAO!! x2

Yes, you are 31, but the doctor will probably say that since you are already there, naked and vulnerable, he might as well give you a "complete" exam. No big deal, right? Just figure out what order you want your exam to be in...

Esmeralda said...

Comment #2:

Working with men will probably be easier since women tend to be emotional/hormonal at times.

HOWEVER, men also tend to be hormonal (testosterone),and after watching this show on animal planet "Chimp Eden" (really good show) males fight for the "alpha" position amongst all males...hope there are no alpha-males competing with you for dominance, otherwise you are going to have to hurt them you know where...

GOOD LUCK on the new job!

Dan said...

Bee
I'm going to kick you.........

Brian
I noticed that you said you haven't had the cough test done....so have you had the other one done?
Of course it's useless for half the population since women don't have "huevos"

Tracy
That you for the moral support.

Esmeralda
I have no idea what ROFLMAO stands for, can you plese explain. I agree, how could he resist, I do have a nice ass.
I am the Alfa, I'm sure someone will get smart with me sooner or later, I of course will have to fire him to prove a point. Someone has to be the sacrificial lamb.

And just in case anyone was wondering I did get the cough test but not the ass test. Thank Goodness. I must admit a little part of me was thinking:
" What?! my ass isn't good enough for you bitch"
I had a female doctor.

Dan said...

Andrew Dice Clay once said that when you get the cough test done you should run your fingers thru the doctors hair.

Dan said...

I didn't nor do I plan to take any gum to work.

Nancy27 said...

You my brother ARE A GROSS!

Nancy27 said...

B U T T Funny!

Jean Knee said...

yeah, but can you do the Hootchie Kootchie dance??

Dan said...

hell Yeah I can do the dance.