Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Oh, my eyes

So, I’m happy to report that only the “huevo” test was done and that I’m still a butt virgin, hope I never go to prison. The new job has been good so far, with my 11 years experience in this field I’m going to make an immediate impact. A lot of the staff is a little on the old side and have no computer skills what so ever, I would put myself in that category also but compared to these guys I’m fricken Bill Gates and Steve Jobs rolled into one. I still haven’t been formally introduced yet, turns out we have a meeting every Thursday so I’ll be introduced then.
I have my own locker/toilet/shower room which is great, actually I have to share this room with 2 of the formen. I’m glad I don’t have to use the same bathrooms as the workers, there’re three toilets in the room. I was given a key to this room today and when it was time to have a bowl movement (I will no longer use the term “make stinky” or “run the chocolate factory” because I guess some of you (The Wife and Nancy) find it gross) I sat on the toilet and noticed there was a magazine rack next to me. I grabbed a magazine and was surprised to see that it was nothing but hard core porn. I grabbed the next one and the next one and they were all porn. I was so surprised. I even forgot what I originally entered the room for, I got up and moved to the next stall and again porn on top of porn, I checked the next stall and found the same literature there to.
No, I did not go to the bathroom more then my usual 46 times during my work day.

My new hours will be 7-4:30, I have never started a job so late. For the first nine years at the other leather place I started at 5am then at 6am, at the bone place I started at 5:30 and for a few months when we were really busy I started at 4:30am. I got up today at 5:30 this is actually late for me. The wife and I decided to start working out in the morning before going to work, she also starts at 7am.
I hope I can stick with it, I’ve got about 15 lbs. of fat on my gut that I haven’t been able to lose. I’m going to order some diet pills from Canada.

13 comments:

Bee said...

FIRST!!

Bee said...

what's the matter? Are you too good to shower with the rest of the workers?? Are you shy??

You can no longer sya 'by the time you get up I've been at work for 5 million hours!'

Esmeralda said...

Who showers at work anyway? That's kinda weird! Are you really serious about the bathroom literature?

Esmeralda said...

BTW (by the way), ROFLMAO=Rolling on Floor Laughing My A** Off...

Marisol said...

My sister the teacher she can't turn it off!!

You make canada pill people very happy!!!

Brian o Vretanos said...

Dan:

I trust that you will be rectifying the reading situation and bringing in your own copies of "Good Housekeeping" and "TREKKIE", not to mention "The Lives of the Saints"...

Nancy27 said...

I think you are gross but funny...

I'm with Bee on that one. No more "By the time you get up I have already had lunch"... Although since I'm not working you might still give it a shot..

By the way, I'm not working and I have ben up since 4:30!!!! This is compliments of a five year old that WILL be taking a 3 HOUR nap today!

Marie said...

When Dan told me about the magazines my immediate response was "You touch those? Think about the previous person that touched them" Double Gross.

Dan said...

Bee
Of courde I'm to good to shower with the rest of the workers. Altough I should do it at least once to eran their instant respect and intimidate them :-)

Esmeralda
You seem to forget that I work with dead cows and horses, most everyone showers before going home.
I'm dead serious about the magazines.

Marisol
Yea, I need to learn the 5th grade lingo.

Brian
That's one of the few things that I don't think need to be changed.
I don't buy magazines so it had been a while since I'd seen one. I used to the Playboy type stuff, I couldn't bealive how much they show these days. You should pick one up !

Nancy
I'm working out in the mornings now so I still get up at 5am.

Marie
You're right, I should bring my own.

Tracy said...

Why do you have to shower at work? The vaseline probably stains the clothes, no?

Tracy said...

Get it? With all the porn? Get it?

Jean Knee said...

eww, Tracy thanks for that vulgarity.

I wouldn't touch anything in that place if I were you Dan.

Dan said...

I checked all the magazines already and I'm happy to report that none of the pages are stuck together.