Friday, February 15, 2008

V Day

On my way home cell phone goes off.
" I'm gonna get my eyebrows done"
I'm in the bathroom shaving when my wife gets home. I'm in full v-day mode.
" Nice eyebrows, they did a good job"
I get that look, the look woman give when there mad, she replies to me.
" I didn't get them done, too long of a wait" Strike one
" Why is my robe on the floor"
I reply
"Gravity" Strike two, the day is not going as planned.
We're meeting my sister in law and her fiance for dinner, we're always very punctual but today we're running 45 min. behind schedule.
She complements me saying, I like it when you are fresh shaven.
" Yeah, I'm not going to have time to shave tomorrow before the interview ( job ) so I shaved today. ( for those new to this blog, I don't shave very often )
What am I saying ? everyone is new since this is really my first....devirginazation.
The wife replies " Oh, so you didn't shave for me on V Day " strike three.
We get to the restaurant and order a dish recommended by the in-laws, we order a dish that is supposed to be enough for two people, it wasn't. I paid 35 bucks for a shish kabob. Drinks arrive, Captain Morgan with Coke, it's verrry good. As soon as we're ready to order refills my wife points out " that had coke !!"
There goes one of my Lent sacrifices, I gave up all kinds of Coke. strike four.
I try to convince her that once the coke met the rum it is no longer coke.
If you were to give up milk and have a piece of cake is that wrong ? You need milk to make a cake but you should be able to enjoy some nice cake, right ?
After dinner we get to the comedy club, before the funny people came out we had to sit thru a dildo presentation. Yeah some chick came on stage and was trying to sell everyone a bunch of dildos.
I came here to laugh, not to buy fake dick's.
First funny guy sucked all form of ass.
Second guy was kinda funny, he went on a rant about hating those shoes that all of the sudden turn into skates. I really hate those too, I was walking the mall one day heading towards the pretzel line when some 14 year old punk zooms in front of me with his special skate tennis shoes. I wanted to push him into a train.
I've become a teenage hater in my old age.

Out of time, got to go to that interview.

I'm a great speller or don't know how to do a spell check on this thing, Bee you have to give me a crash course on Sunday.


Bee said...

HA! Sounds like my V-Day was better than yours! In. Your. Face!!

Bee said...

By the way, I agree with the whole coke not being coke once it's mixed with other stuff.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Now you've got a blog, people will love it when you have a bad day, because it's far more entertaining.

If Coke put Rum & Coke in cans with "Coke" on the front and sold it they'd get into trouble, so it's clearly not Coke.

I hope the interview went well.

Esmeralda said...

Just found out about your blog!!! Awesome AND Shocking Rated X contents!!!

I think I agree with your coke and rum not being coke once it mixes with rum because you taste the rum not the coke so it's really meant to be rum and not coke...

BTW, the gymshoe/skates are called wheelies.

Lou Piniella said...

GO CUBS!!!!!!!

Tracy said...

I'm assuming that by giving up things for lint that you are Catholic? We Catholics have ways of making oppsies ok. The coke was not pure coke, therefore it does not count. Waalaa...Guilt free..
Loved your post..can't wait to read more!

Tracy said...

I meant lEnt... It's early..

Jean Knee said...

sorry about your v-day suckage. I got a huge card.

Jean Knee said...

I love mis-spellings, Dan. don't change them