Wednesday, February 27, 2008

somebody's watching me

So the Wife convinced me yesterday into letting her buy a “pergola” something about how she was now entitled to spend an equal amount of money as I did when I bought the Playstation 3 , first thing that came to my head after she asked was “What, the fuck is a pergola”. Well I’m sure you ladies know exactly what that is but let me explain to those of you who don’t have your very own built in vajayjay.
It’s a hollow square looking structure with a tarp over it, the tarp is to provide shade. Kind of like a big square umbrella…..shade only cost me, us $ 500.
Yesterday while at the in-laws watching all the Hildog-Obama coverage she goes online to purchase our oversized umbrella. Within a couple of minuets before she was even done with the transaction my phone rings.
“ Hello, can I speak with Ms. Cordova ?’
Sure, who is this ?
It’s Chase Bank.
At this point I’m wondering why they would call her on my cell. What did they want I ask her.
“Oh, they just wanted to know if that was actually me trying to make that purchase.

Is that scary or what? How did they do that so quickly?
I think what bothers me more then anything is the fact that they called me.
I’m never using my debit again, they might call my wife on me !!!!
Hello, Ms. Cordova, just wanted to confirm that was you trying to buy online porn. Busted!!!! Not that I ever buy porn online, I was just trying to make a point. Actually its said that every man has his own super secret porn stash hidden somewhere in the house. I for one….lets move on here, that’s a whole different post, we’re getting off the track.
By the way the pergola makes me thing of that song “ Its time for the perculator”
So for the rest of the day I was singing “ It’s time for the Pergola, beeeeep, It’s time for the Pergola, beeeeep” I actually do the beeeep’s.
Later in the day after the purchase was made I was informed that the pergola doesn’t count in the “ I get to spend equal amount “ category since this is for the family.
Yeah, she made me realize how much I always wanted my own Pergola….beeeep.


Bee said...

first! be back, still asleep

Bee said...

Andy and I've had that agreement since our first year of marriage. It came about because I would buy $15 shoes and he would buy a $150 golf club.

Jean Knee said...

I bought something like that when we move to our present house cuz there aren't any trees. I staked it all down nice and secure--it blew away within minutes of guests arriving-- beep

Anonymous said...

I already BUSTED you buying porn, it was on the cable bill.



Nancy27 said...

Ok, as soon as you said "pergola" I htought the exact same thing you did!

I think Big Tex and I need to have that rule. However, most of the time when he spends a big amount of money it's for me so I guess that wont be fair huh?

Are you in the Humor Blog thing too? If you are where do I click? :)

Anonymous said...

Here's the link for anyone that wants to know what a Pergola is. It's sooooo pretty.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Is a pergola the same as a gazebo?

Some of the Greek banks are offering a service where they text you when you make a purchase. Useful to prevent fraud, same drawbacks in a marital sense...

Dan said...

Yeah but does he later tell you it don't count cause its for the family.

Last year the same thing happend to our Gazebo.

Debbie Does ? that was out before I was born, you need to catch up with your porn.

Nah, I'm not funny enough for the humor blog thing.

Yes it is, I think they called Pegola just to charge more for it.

Brian o Vretanos said...


Brian o Vretanos said...

That makes sense.

Brian o Vretanos said...

Even the most unladylike
Ladies can't help it.
Every woman gets
Very excited by
Expensively named items.
Not that
There's anything wrong with it.

Bee said...


Anonymous said...

How about Good Will Humping.

Brian o Vretanos said...

The Porn Identity?

Die Hard?

Brian o Vretanos said...

The Fantastic Whore?

Bee said...

I didn't realize you also had a talent for porn titles!!

Dan said...

Saving Ryan's Privates
That one is kind of old but funny.

Bee said...

Isn't that one gay porn? Dan??? Are you trying to tell us something??

Dan said...

no, it's not

Tracy said...

Hey, how the hell did Bee manage to comment first while still sleeping??? I have much to learn from that woman.

Dan, incase you didn't know this by now, we women are best at helping you realize the things you've always wanted but never knew. My husband just found out that he's always wanted a greenhouse. Go figure. He had no idea.

Dan said...

What color is your house now, I hope you help him paint.

Anonymous said...

Dan, if you thought that was creepy.

1. Go to
2. On the upper left corner, click on Maps
3. Type in your home address
4. Under "Street View" you will see your intersection
5. Use the mouse to either go further down the road to your neighbors house, or your neighbors neighbors house, zoom into your window, check your garage, etc.

This is not the aerial view you might have seen before, no, no, you will see your house as if you were standing on the street looking right at it.

Type in my address, Bee's, the School house, any address! This my friend, freeks me out.


Dan said...

are these live shots ?

Bee Serious said...

Big Brother is watching.

Stephanie said...

Yes they are live shots. There's a car or van I'm not sure that drives around with a camera strapped to the roof taking pictures.

Hey if you haven't already done so or notice.. if you type in the school house a.k.a. my house.. you can see Dale (my boyfriend) standing outside messing with his car.. if you go a little further west and turn around.. which is a cool feature on google maps.. you can see that they caught him bending over.. LOL Its so funny!

Bee's Dark Side said...

Chillax on your whole picture. You didn't tell me anything last night.

Bex said...

Dan, I saw your link on Bee's blog and clicked over...I'm glad I did because you're HILARIOUS! I'll be back later to read some of your older stuff...

Dan said...

If its the same shot over and over then it can't be live.

I'm new to this. Thank's for stopping by, I'm glad you're a good judge of humor.

Dan said...