Gut Boy

So, I gave up the following for Lent: Pizza, Pop, Ice cream, Burgers, Fries and Beer.
First time I’ve given anything up, I did it kind of as a diet. I’ve been trying to lose some weight for a while now, I’m not a big porker but I could stand to lose about 20 lbs around the gut area. All my excess fat is stored there, all in the gut, the rest of my body is somewhat still tone.
When I first started dating my wife I was a lean exercising machine ( about 175 lbs, 8 % body fat ) who knew love was so fattening.
I have a room in my basement set up as a gym, plenty of free weights, a bench, elliptical machine and a stationary bike. You would think this should be enough to stay lean, but it isn’t. That has become the most unused room( by me ) in the house. Actually I take that back, there’s also a bathroom down there that I visit regularly since I’m not allowed to use the upstairs bathrooms to make stinky. The chocolate factory can only operate downstairs.
I do work out on Monday’s, I always tell myself “I’m starting off the week strong” so I work out on Monday’s but that’s usually my first and last workout of the week. I skip Tuesday, Wednesday’s I go to my Moms house after work and Thursday’s I say to myself “ this week is almost over, no point now, I’ll start for sure next week.
I have been able to stay away from all the bad stuff I gave up on, except of course for that one time I had rum and coke by mistake. By the way I do think that I cheated, my brother and his wife gave up meat so does that mean they can put a big steak in a tortilla and call it a taco ? I don’t think so.
Here is my problem, I haven’t lost a single pound !!!!
I’ve found substitutes for all I gave up.
Beer has now been replaced by Mike’s hard Lemon Aid and Parrot Bay Wine coolers.
Ice Cream, which I often have a bowl with a little milk before bed has been replaced by Peanut Butter cookies.
Burgers a fries have been replaced by burritos, you know those big huge ones with that giant flower tortilla.
Pop is been replaced by more coffee and artificially flavored fruit drinks.
So instead of getting rid of old bad eating habits I’m gaining new ones, what the hell is going to happen when lent is over and all the stuff I gave up on is fair game??
I see myself going to bed now with a huge Ice Cream bowl with peanut butter cookies floating in the milk.
When the wife doesn’t cook am I going to eat a burrito as an appetizer before the burgers and fries ?
Seems to me like I should make better use of my home gym. I’ll keep you all up to date with my weigh-ins, I got a new scale yesterday it says 198 lbs. Weight was taken like I came into this world….
The title came from the wife, one night I was telling her that she needs to motivate me to work out, I told her “you need to call me fat ass, say something like come on fat ass lets go work out”
She said
No sweetie that sounds too mean, I’ll just call you gut boy.