Sunday, February 24, 2008

Gut Boy

So, I gave up the following for Lent: Pizza, Pop, Ice cream, Burgers, Fries and Beer.
First time I’ve given anything up, I did it kind of as a diet. I’ve been trying to lose some weight for a while now, I’m not a big porker but I could stand to lose about 20 lbs around the gut area. All my excess fat is stored there, all in the gut, the rest of my body is somewhat still tone.
When I first started dating my wife I was a lean exercising machine ( about 175 lbs, 8 % body fat ) who knew love was so fattening.
I have a room in my basement set up as a gym, plenty of free weights, a bench, elliptical machine and a stationary bike. You would think this should be enough to stay lean, but it isn’t. That has become the most unused room( by me ) in the house. Actually I take that back, there’s also a bathroom down there that I visit regularly since I’m not allowed to use the upstairs bathrooms to make stinky. The chocolate factory can only operate downstairs.
I do work out on Monday’s, I always tell myself “I’m starting off the week strong” so I work out on Monday’s but that’s usually my first and last workout of the week. I skip Tuesday, Wednesday’s I go to my Moms house after work and Thursday’s I say to myself “ this week is almost over, no point now, I’ll start for sure next week.
I have been able to stay away from all the bad stuff I gave up on, except of course for that one time I had rum and coke by mistake. By the way I do think that I cheated, my brother and his wife gave up meat so does that mean they can put a big steak in a tortilla and call it a taco ? I don’t think so.
Here is my problem, I haven’t lost a single pound !!!!
I’ve found substitutes for all I gave up.
Beer has now been replaced by Mike’s hard Lemon Aid and Parrot Bay Wine coolers.
Ice Cream, which I often have a bowl with a little milk before bed has been replaced by Peanut Butter cookies.
Burgers a fries have been replaced by burritos, you know those big huge ones with that giant flower tortilla.
Pop is been replaced by more coffee and artificially flavored fruit drinks.
So instead of getting rid of old bad eating habits I’m gaining new ones, what the hell is going to happen when lent is over and all the stuff I gave up on is fair game??
I see myself going to bed now with a huge Ice Cream bowl with peanut butter cookies floating in the milk.
When the wife doesn’t cook am I going to eat a burrito as an appetizer before the burgers and fries ?
Seems to me like I should make better use of my home gym. I’ll keep you all up to date with my weigh-ins, I got a new scale yesterday it says 198 lbs. Weight was taken like I came into this world….
The title came from the wife, one night I was telling her that she needs to motivate me to work out, I told her “you need to call me fat ass, say something like come on fat ass lets go work out”
She said
No sweetie that sounds too mean, I’ll just call you gut boy.

26 comments:

Anonymous said...

Couple of funny lines, here, gross, but funny.

Wow, 198 lbs!!! That's what I weigh fully clothed, with a coat and shoes!! I know cause I just got weighed at the doctor's office.

You really are a fat ass (trying to motivate you)!!

I challenge you to a weight loss duel!! Loser buys the winner a new set of gym shoes (running shoes), are we on??

SC

Anonymous said...

Oh, forgot to mention, I am 3 inches taller that you too.

Oh, and I wonder what kind of "flowers" your tortillas are made out of?

SC

Esmeralda said...

Speaking of Lent and us giving up meat, this morning we had "veggie sausage patties"-which taste just like sausage. So, while eating our "fake" sausage patties we were debating whether it would be considered cheating or not. They technically are NOT meat however they do taste like meat. What do you all think?

Dan said...

SC
I have alot more muscle mass then you so that's why I'm heavier. I wasn't going to do this but since you called me a fat ass.
Last Madden update
Dan 17
SC 0

Yeah, not a single point

Emeralda
No I don't think it's cheating.

Marie Cordova said...

T-M-I, about the downstairs bathroom. I'll try to only buy the ice cream flavor you don't like, is there any? LOL

Tracy said...

I don't think that eating the fake sausage is cheating either. It's not meat right?
I gave up ciggies, yes I was a closet smoker, never around the monkeys but I quit for lent. It's supposed to be something that's good for you right? I also gave up sweets. I think giving that up was worse than the ciggies but I think you may have helped me today. You know, with the "making chocolate only allowed downstairs" quote. So, thanks for that.

Bee said...

WHAT THE HELL DAN!! I don't see you over the weekend and you neglect to announce a new post????

Bee said...

Dude, you are hilarious! "Make stinky" BWAHAHAHA!

Bee said...

Maybe you should have said Alcoholic beverages instead just beer.

Bee said...

My mom said SC sounded uh... distracted when she talked to him.

Bee said...

ELEVENTH!!

Dan said...

tracy
Glad I could help.

Bee
Sorry, I'll make sure to inform you next time.

Brian o Vretanos said...

You've done very well to live without burgers and beer, but clearly they weren't responsible for the weight, since you haven't lost any...

Veggie meat only tastes like real meat if you're really desperate.

I'm thinking of bringing out a new diet book - "The Green Bean Diet". I believe that anyone following it will lose so much weight that they'll be able to get a job as a Supermodel, which would be good for you, being in fashion and all that.

Anonymous said...

Dan, you asked to be called a fat ass in order to motivate you to use your work out room.

I, on the other hand, have never asked you to post our scores on your blog. I have to be honest though, I have practiced ten minutes here, ten minutes there. I took it too lightly, but now I am ready to KICK YO ASH!

More muscle mass? No. Bush"ier" eyebrows, yes. Hair"ier" arms/back/neck, yes. Larger hair volume (Lionel Richie afro), yes. More muscle mass? No.

Say you... say me... say it together... naturally....

SC

Tracy said...

Bee-Here's the thing about blogs, you have to CHECK them to see if there's a new post. Normally, the author doesn't inform you of a new post. I hope you now understand how this whole blogging thing works.

Dan-Oh you helped.

Bee said...

Tracy, Ha! You're right, I guess I thought I should be treated special because I set it up for the stinky maker!

Nobody click on that Jason link. Spam.

BEE said...

I DELETED YOU JASON!!

Dan said...

B o V
I'm not in Fashion !!!!

SC
I asked my WIFE to call me that, last time I checked you weren't my wife. I'll stop with the scores.
I knew the muscle mass one would get you going. Who the fuck is Lionel Richie

Bee
I'll let you know next time.
Stinky maker ? don't act your doo doo smells like roses.

Dan said...

Bee, is my Spybot

Bee said...

Lavendar.

Anonymous said...

Dan,

I forget that even though you are only a year younger than I, you did not really connect with the "pop culture" of our times.

While I was purchasing a Prince tape, you were purchasing Twisted Sister.

Please see the link attached and find Mr. Lionel Richie... (also father of Ms. Nicole Richie).

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000001AIY.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

SC

Andy said...

So does everyone "make stinky" in the basement bathroom?

If not, why the "stinky" discrimination over there? I thought we as a society have moved on from all types of discriminatory acts?

Jean Knee said...

yeah we only make stinky in the out house.

Bee, I love your familia, they all remind me of you

Tracy said...

Andy- I am a lady therefore I do NOT make stinky. Thank you very much.

Dan- I had no idea you were in fashion. What kind of clothes do you design? Is it a clothing line for the Hefty and Over 50? Oh now I'm just dying to know. I hope it's FIERCE!

Bee- I'm so glad that I could help with your understanding of how the blog works. I feel like my good deed for the month is done.

Dan said...

I'm not in Fashion !!!!
Bee was just trying to be funny.

Tracy
I make dog bones for a living. We get the rawhides, cut them into shap and tie them into dog bones. The are then put in ovens until dry. I have no idea how this qualifies as fashion.
At least Bee didn't put that I was a hair stylist.

Nancy27 said...

LMAO!!!! Chocolate Factory in the basement!!! Dude that's Funny but GROSS!!!

Funny thing is that every time I visit the basement is where I go to use washroom. Being pregnant and all, I can't hold it like I use to and trying to go in the bathroom by the kitchen while there's people talking and laughing can be a bit distracting!

Anyway, you don't need anyone to cal you fat @ss dude, you can do it! Remember your Ovi Days...

After I have the baby, you and me. I think you and I are pretty good competitiors and I wont be mean like Serg. You can start now and I'll catch up.

I asked Cameron as my gift for mother's day/anniversary & congrats on the baby gift for a Gym Membership. Romantic huh?