Tuesday, March 10, 2009

30 days left !

So, you know all those recovering alcoholics that always tell you how many days they’ve been sober? Hello, my name is Boozer and I’m an alcoholic, I’ve been sober for 489 days.
Well I’ve been sober for 9 days now and it really sucks!
Lent is here again and this year I’ve given up all alcoholic beverages, I didn’t realize how much I like my booze until now. I don’t drink much, I hardly ever get drunk but I do like to get “buzzed” I’d say twice a week. I normally have a few on little Friday, little Friday is a tradition started by my SIL and her husband (by the way I wonder if they’re still alive, I haven’t heard from them in a while) little Friday is actually Thursday night, just an excuse to drink during the week. Then I have a few during the weekend, sometimes on Big Friday (big Friday is actually Friday night) or on Saturday, I don’t really drink on Sunday’s….actually I drink a little when the Bears lose to drown my sorrow….and I drink a little when they win to celebrate during football season……..and baseball for the Sox and basketball for the Bulls.
Sometimes I drink on Wednesday, Wednesday is the middle of the week, hump day. I drink a little to help me get by for the rest of the week. On certain occasions I drink on Monday, Monday is the start of the week and after being off for two days I get home kind of tired so I have a beer or six to relax. I also might have a glass or two of wine on Tuesday because it’s little hump day. I really don’t drink on any other days then what I’ve just mentioned, but I do miss the numbness of a good buzz. I’m thinking about picking up pot during lent, It’s been a really long time since I’ve had me some
Mary jew ana, last time I took a hit must have been 15 years ago.
Last year I gave up pizza, coke, ice cream, fries and didn’t lose a single pound. I replaced all the fatty stuff with other fatty stuff, I think I wrote a post about it called “Gut Boy”.
If you guys have any suggestions on how to get numb without breaking the law I’d love to hear them. I heard licking frogs will get you high but that’s gross, I wouldn’t even know where to find any frogs anyway. I saw a South Park episode where the kids where getting high letting a cat pee on them, again that’s gross, no pussy (cat) near my face.
Maybe I should join AA for 30 days, I could get one of those sponsor people. I wonder if they would actually show up if I called them while having a burger at my local Appelbees?
Sponsor dude, I just can’t resist it anymore I must have a Corona.

Send in your home remedies please, Lent is still young!


Bee said...


You alchy!!
Andy and I were thinking about the fact that we don't drink enough. He buys a 6 pack and it lasts months or until you guys come over.
I remember one time I had 2 bottles of wine and you guys were over and I said "drink up I have plenty of wine" and then poof it was gone and Marie said "I thought you said you had plenty of wine!" and Andy I were like we thought we did. So we shrugged and figured you guys were a bunch of alchys. We were right.

I used to drink 2 mojitos weekly. Now I don't even do that.

Bee said...

*Andy and I were TALKING not thinking. I'm sorry but I'm high from the meds the doc gave me. That is some good stuff. But I'm not sharing.

No Cool Story said...

I feel bad for the poor guy Boozer.
With a name like that :(

No Cool Story said...

That's all I have, sorry Dan.
Best of luck to you!

PS: St. Patrick's Day is coming.

Brian o vretanos said...

No wonder you have stomach ache.

Are you allowed to take alcohol in things that aren't beverages? Such as jelly, chocolates, intravenous drips? You might find this helps.

I'm sure Guinness doesn't count either.

Marie said...

After reading your post I think we should make this a yearly tradition.

The Wife

Marie said...

On second thought scratch that I'm high on frog legs and don't know what I'm saying.

The Wife

Jormengrund said...

Why is it that during Lent folks tend to give up the good things that keep us going?

Drugs, alocohol, comfort foods, swearing, smoking, et cetera.

Personally, I'd like to give up giving up things that make others feel good, so that I don't go postal and kill off anyone near me..

My advice, don't give up drinking, but don't slow down either..

Can't have too much blood in the alcohol system after all!

Rhonda said...

Sounds like you need to borrow some pills from Bee.

Tracys Ramblings said...

Oh Dan...I had no idea that you were in such need of help. Here I'm telling you to take some tums for your upset stomach but what you need is a sponsor and rehab!!

Of course, I really don't know what I'm saying since I'm always on pills.
You know, if I move to California, I could get medical marijuana. I hear the medical stuff is the best.

What kind of pills does Bee have?

What was I talking about?
Oh, go have a beer Dan, it will make you feel better.

Dan said...

Two bottles isn't a lot. What are you taking? I'm gonna make an appointment to see my doctor and make up an illness so he can give me some drugs.

Is Saint Patrick's day after lent?

Why wouldn't Guinness count?

Are you crazy woman, I'm suffering from some major withdraw!

Marie 2
I'm glad you came to your senses.

It's too late, I have to see it thru now, I don't want to die and go to hell over a beer.

Yes I do, nobody has any home made booze replacements? I'll guess I'll have to try the pot.

Why are you encouraging me to sin?

Brian o vretanos said...


Guinness doesn't count because it's so much more than just a beverage, and because they'd never get the Irish to observe Lent if they banned it.

Presumably communion wine doesn't count either.

Jean Knee said...

take a sleeping pill chased by a big swig of listerine

Tracys Ramblings said...

I don't suggest the glue sniffing thing Dan. That's bad for you.
What if you drank some of that cold medicine that all of the young kids are drinking these days to get high? That way, you can get your high on while still following your alchol thing.
See, this is why I don't give up important things for Lent.