Monday, August 4, 2008

Spoiled Week

So, my new job place shuts down every year for a week to do full maintenance on all the machines. This year the shutdown will be the week of September 1st.
What am I doing that week you ask?
Well, I had originally planed to sit on my ass playing Grand Theft Auto all day since The Wife has to work that week, but now I get the pleasure of being in court.
See, I got this letter today that says:
WE COMMAND THAT YOU SUMMON:
Dan the Peoples Blogger on Sep 2nd and 3rd
To appear to testify before the honorable judge bla, bla, bla

I really don’t want to go, they should ask nicely not WE COMMAND, that just seems kind of asshoeie to me.
I’m going to borrow that tomorrow at work, I’m gonna be like
“I COMMAND you to ship this out today!”
I wonder what kind of a response I’ll get from the workforce when I start COMMANDING them around all over the place!
I COMMAND you to feed that machine faster!
Makes me feel like Moses for some reason, I need one of those big sticks.
I already have the beard and the crazy hair.
Do you guys think I can push this case down an extra week.
I’m going to call the Judge and be like “I COMMAND you to reschedule!

20 comments:

Bee said...

Jury Duty??

Yuck! Maybe you shouldn't have told the state you were off.

Brian o vretanos said...

So instead of a week of virtual crime, you're going to have to go to court... poetic justice perhaps.

I hope they don't read your blog.

COUNSEL: "I can reveal that by his own public admission this man has been organising a Mexican kidnapping gang!"

[Sighs from the gallery]

JUDGE: Silence in court!

COUNSEL: "Furthermore, he has publically admitted to bribing the authorities."

[Several women faint and are carried out of the courtroom]

JUDGE: "In view of this extraordinary development, I order that he be locked up until further notice. Don't bother remembering where you kept the key, you won't need it for a long time."

Esmeralda said...

2 days!?!? I didn't know that a jury duty summons could be for two days. I thought you showed up on the one day and if they pick you then you stay for the day and possibly come back (if the case continues).

They really must know you will be at home that week so they figured lets give him a couple days so that he won't be bored...

I hope they don't find out about me ;) I don't want to be summoned...

Jean Knee said...

I had jury duty once,and the case had an insurance company so they had a pretty good lawyer--it was most enjoyable-plus I got out of work

Brian o vretanos said...

Dan:

If you're going to start commanding people to do things, then you should say WE COMMAND, not I COMMAND, like royalty.

David said...

It is best to be on jury duty when one can escape the work-world. And Brian is exactly right: We command is the appropriate verbiage.

All that being said, I'm called for jury duty exactly every two years (that is as often as our law allows) and I must say that I've usually found it very interesting if I make it on to an actual jury. Being in the jury pool waiting all day...not so interesting.

Dan said...

Bee
I wish it was jury duty.

Brian
I'm way to good looking to go to jail, there is no doubt that someone would want my ass as soon as they saw it.

Esmeralda
I'm the only eye witness in a murder, it's not jury duty.

Jean Knee
Turns out that the shudown week at my company is at the end of this month so it all worked out.

David
I've never been on a Jury but I would take that over what I have to do.

momjeansblogger said...

That sucks to have jury duty on your week off. Just act like you're insane and you'll get excused. Don't ask me how I know this!

Esmeralda said...

OOPS! I went back to reread your post and realized that what you wrote says that you are to appear to TESTIFY.

Isn't that something? we all read your blog and somehow immediately made your court summons jury duty. You never even mentioned the words jury duty!

catscratch said...

I fear they'll command you to the pokie for contempt if you go around commanding the judge.

Good luck gettingo ut of it!!

Tracy said...

Hey, I'm 11th!

I command you to look at me being 11th!

Tracy said...

I got commanded to go to jury duty on my birthday. I of course, commanded that they let me off the hook or I was going to bring my three kids with me.
After my threat, they commanded that I stay home.

Tracy said...

Ahh, so it's not jury duty? I was so excited about commanding everyone to look at me being 11th that I didn't want to risk it by reading the comments first.

Did you really see a murder?

Rhonda said...

That doesn't sound like jury duty. That sounds like Dan the People's Blogger has been up to something no good...or has at least witnessed something no good. Bad Dan, bad!

Bee said...

Crap Dan! I forgot about that whole thing!! :o(

Be careful borther, make sure you duck and roll.

Tracy said...

DANIEL! Did you really witness a murder??? Why haven't we heard about this before?

ANSWER ME DAMNITT!!!!

Jean Knee said...

answer her Dan????
I walked into a crime scene once and saw a murdered guy--scawy

I didn't see the actual murder though

Jean Knee said...

those question marks were supposed to be exclamation points

whatever

Dan said...

Tracy / Ronda
Yes I did, I was at work when I heard a couple of co-workers arguing about somthing, my office was on the second floor so I was looking down at them. One of them pulled out a gun and BANG ! shot him in the chest.
The smell blood is what got me, I can still smell it.

Rhonda said...

Holy crap!!! That is awful. So you are a prosecution witness?