picture day

So, I know it’s a little late but better late then never.
This is a picture of Nikki The Dog taking a shit. I was going to use this for my Healthy Ice Cream post but figured no one wanted to see Nikki The Dog taking a dump.
Was I right ??????????

Dumbass Dan

So, I’m not sure if I mentioned before that The Wife got me an iPhone for Christmas.
It’s the greatest phone ever invented in the history of man kind. I’d post a picture of it but I haven’t figured out how to take a picture of my iPhone with my iPhone.
It has so many applications that can be downloaded, many of them are free, most of them are 99 cents.
I downloaded an IQ test, I’ve always wanted to have confirmation on how smart I am. I figured I’d land somewhere in the 140-150’s, Bill Gates has an IQ of 150, George Washington scored 118, The highest IQ for our presidents belongs to Thomas Jefferson who scored 138 which makes me wonder why Bill Gates isn’t the President? Guess the money isn’t good enough.

Anyway, this test was a lot harder then I thought it would be, you have to answer all the questions in 1 hour and you need a calculator, a dictionary, a thesaurus, pen and paper and the internet open to be able to answer some of the questions.
Here is an example:

Which number is the odd one out?

3647
2535
5869
6957
1425
4758

What two numbers should replace the question marks?
0,1,2,5,20,25,?,?


The name of which creature can be placed on the bottom row to complete seven three letter words?

D A S A M Y W
U R A G A O A
* * * * * * *

If
IQS: LNV
then
JRM: ???

So turns out that I’m a real dumbass, I scored a whopping 75, that’s just two points better then Mike Tyson. I’m two points away from biting someone’s ear off!
In my defense I should mention that I finished the test in about ten minutes, when I realized this test would actually require some serious concentration I just wanted to finish quickly to get my score. Had I taken the time and had a pencil and paper along with a calculator I’m sure I would have scored in the 150’s. I was also watching TV so my score doesn’t count, I'm going to re-take the test to prove to all of you that I’m not a dumbass!



1 hr. 3 minuts and 58 seconds later…….

This whole thing is stupid! How can a stupid test with stupid questions measure someone’s intelligence? It might be able to measure your knowledge but not your intelligence!
How does knowing the meaning of “laconic” relevant to anything! Intelligence can not be measured with a stupid test, it’s what you do in real life that matters.
I figured out how to take a picture of my phone with my phone, here is proof of my smartness!

Healthy Ice Cream

So, Nikki the dog is really starting to piss me off. Every time I sit down to eat she sits there looking at me with her pathetic “give me some of your food” look. Eat your own food Nikki, your bowl is full. Let me enjoy my food, don’t just sit there looking like an Ethiopian staring at me, praying that I drop a piece of my steak. I know your food sucks and you’re probably sick of eating the same thing every day but that’s not my problem. It’s not my fault you’re a dog.

Now that I think about it…..I take it back, I do feel sorry for you Nikki the dog. I can’t imagine having to eat the same food everyday. Back when I was a kid my grandfather always had dogs, he never bought them dog food, his dogs always ate and still eat leftover scraps from everyone’s plates. Might not be so healthy but if someone came to me and said “you have two choice eat the same thing everyday and live to be 90…..or eat whatever you want and live to be 88”. I would choose to eat whatever I wanted, hands down!

However we must take the whole dog year equals seven human years thing into account. So if someone told me that if I ate the same thing everyday I would live to be 90…..or eat whatever I wanted and live to be 76 I would probably feel different.

Huuummmmm………nah, I would still feel the same, I would rather eat what I wanted and give up 14 years of my life. Anything can kill you so why sacrifice eating healthy? I could have the healthiest diet in the world and go out one day and die in a car crash so why bother?

I’m gonna go get some Ice Cream, and give some to Nikki the dog too.

Why can’t vegetables taste like Ice Cream?

That’s what the government should be spending money on, instead of space exploration and other stupid studies they should have scientists working on how to alter the taste of food while still preserving all the healthy stuff.

I wonder how many years I would live if I ate dog food that tasted like chicken and beef and flautas everyday.

My New Post

So, what’s up People? Remember me? It’s Dan, The Peoples rarely Blogger. I just saw a comment that Tracy left for me, it says NEW POST NOW!!!! Esmeralda also commented that she needed a new post so this NEW post is for them.

It’s been 3 weeks since my last post. I can’t even remember the last thing I wrote about, I’m going to check real quick…………………….Oh yeah, I wrote about how much I hate strangers and how I helped a couple of people out during a snow storm but no one would help me.

I wrote “that strangers don’t give a shit about helping strangers unless I’m the stranger helping another stranger”….that was pretty funny of me, I crack myself up.

I also wrote about peeing in the ally, that was fun.

According to my last post having my car stuck in the snow really sucked, I was there for about an hour I shoveled around it, pushed, kicked the tires but nothing was working!

I’m now having flashbacks of me all wet and cold trying to get Maxine out, I hope I don’t get sick just thinking about it.

It’s snowed a couple of times since then and I think my tenants still hold me responsible for the snow, it’s not my fault they live in Chicago, I didn’t invent snow. It’s not my fault that the earth goes round and around and that our city happens to be kind of far away from the sun this time of year.

I just noticed that I left out “it” on my last post. I wrote “Why is that my tenants” I should have written “Why is IT that my tenants” I really need to better job proof reading.

I hope you all liked my new post.

I hate strangers

So, I was driving to The School House (the house that I rent) yesterday to shovel the Got Dammed snow, Why is that my tenants expect me to shovel their snow? It’s not my fault they live in Chicago, did I invent snow? Is it my fault that the earth goes round and round and that our city happens to be kind of far from the sun during this time of year?
Anyway, on my way there I saw a lady suck in the snow, I got out of my car and shoveled and pushed her out. A few miles later there was a guy pushing his car to the side of the road because it wasn’t running. I got out of my car and helped him. I’m always helping strangers. I give bums money all the time. A dollar here a dollar there, I had one guy tell me it wasn’t enough and I gave him more!!!!!!!
I’m a pretty nice guy when it comes to helping strangers in need, a good Samaritan.
Why is it that strangers don’t ever seem to give a shit about me when I need help!
After I got to The School House, I shoveled all the snow (I had to pee, since I have no access to the house because it’s all rented out I peed in the alley. That was fun, I hadn’t done that in years) and was ready to go home. Turns out that now my car was stuck!
I shoveled around it, pushed, kicked the tires, nothing was working. Did anyone stop to help ME! NO! strangers don’t give a SHIT about helping others. Unless I’m the stranger helping the other stranger. I hate people all of them, I will never help anyone else ever again. I was stuck for almost an hour, soaking wet! I’m just getting over a man cold, I fear that I might be sick again!
Fuck you strangers! You can all do things without my help!
Push your own cars out of the snow!
Find someone else to give you money for gas or bus fair!

Merry Christmas!
Thank you Stephanie and her Brother for helping me get out….. they are not strangers.

Snow Sucks !!!!!

So, just like everyone else I hate snow !

I hate everything about it, how it looks, how it smells how it tastes, I hate driving in it, I hate seeing it come down, I hate it with green eggs and ham, I hate shoveling it EVERYTHING !!!!!

This is a picture of my castle, we put up a lot more lights this year then we normally would. See, in my suburb they always give a prize to the prettiest house. Last years winner was a shitty little house with barley any lights so last year The Wife and I bought a bunch of stuff after new years at a huge discount. If we don’t win I’m going to get really pissed off, the prize better be good because I was up there freezing my ass off a couple of weeks ago. I wish I had put lights on the peak of the house, I did the peak of the garage but I was too much of a chicken to do the peak at the front of the house…..I mean my ladder wasn’t high enough, I need a bigger ladder so that I can get up there.

The second picture is of the Ginger Bread house my boss gave me for Christmas, wasn't that nice of him ?

Senator Dan

So, I was saving up all my money, I was going to sell my house and cars in order to make a bid for Barack Obamas open senate seat. Too bad the governor of Illinois got arrested today by the FBI for putting it on sale. Oh well, guess I’ll have to keep my day job.

As you might remember for my Maxine’s Cherry post I’m not a big fan of Patrick, but some ass hole at The Wife’s job hit him pretty hard. This guy didn’t even bother to come back inside to tell her about it, everyone knew it was him. I'd rather someone spit in my face then mess with my car!!








Like Bee I got my Green tree yesterday, how green can a tree really be if they cut it down? Seems to me like an oxymoron. The tag said something about being a super Green Tree…….yeah Ass holes till you cut it down!
Is that not the biggest issue among the tree hugging community, the cutting of trees?
I’ve always gone for the real stuff, I hate fake trees they look like fake trees.