Saturday, June 7, 2008

A legend is born

So there’s this guy at work named Sal, he’s a big dude about 6’3 with a serious bodybuilder body. He’s a Formen of a department and in my opinion a very good one. I think all of his crew is intimidated by his size so they are well behaved.
Well Thursday he and my new partner in crime Ted were arm wrestling in the office, of course Sal beat the crap out of him but not before letting Ted think he had a chance, he toyed with him for a little bit.
Ted is a 23 year old collage student, very intelligent guy who’s been working there for a couple of years. He has great ideas that have never really been implemented because people didn’t really care about what he said, but now he has someone that thinks like him to back him up.

After the arm wrestling match ended I kind of started to walk away because I knew Sal would challenge me next. I think I was there all of two days when he told me he could bench 500 lbs. sure enough he said.

Hey Dan, you want to go next?

I really didn’t but I couldn’t say no, I’ve put my time in the gym at one point in my life so I surly would at least give him a fight for 2 or 3 seconds.
I immediately noticed that the table we were going to use was backed up against the wall, so the person standing on the left would have to push towards the wall and would have no leverage while the person standing on the right would be able to lean his body and have all the leverage in the world.

Ok, I told him, you stand on that side. Of course I pointed to the left side.
So we started our match, I also know that you should always keep your elbow as close to your chest as you can, the more you open your arm the weaker you will be. We were locked in the starting position, he couldn’t move me and I couldn’t move him. I was impressed he was able to hold on for so long I made him carry all 210 lbs of me (that’s what I weigh fully dressed with steal toe shoes, I’m not fat I just got a little gut) after like 30 seconds he let go and I was victorious !!!

He’s not that stupid so he immediately demanded a re-match but this time he wanted me to stand on the left.

I told him no, I’m too tired to go again. Do you want to beat me knowing that I’m tired?
Hey, well I was already tired too because I arm wrestled Ted first so that was my second match.
Now for sure I won’t give you a re-match because when I beat you again you’re going to say that you were tired because that was your third match.
Left hand then, left hand, but you stand on that side this time.
He easily beat me.
Ok, let’s do the right hand again! I’ll beat you really easy, if you stand on the left.
No, lets just leave it like it is, I won with the right, and you won with the left.
Yeah but you cheated!
Didn’t you do the same thing with the left? I have no problems admitting that I lost with the left; you should take your loss like a man.
Ok, lets to it on another table where no one will have an advantage.
I told you I was tired already, lets do it tomorrow, I’ll be rested, do you want to beat me when I’m tired or do you want to beat me when I’m strong and rested?
Ok, but tomorrow I’ll be stronger too.

Here is the funny part; I WILL NEVER give this guy a re-match. If I do he will no doubt beat me, if I don’t then I will be the guy who beat Sal in arm wrestling forever. I’ll have this over him for the next 20 years.
I broke a blood vessel in my eye last week while coughing; my right eye has looked like its bleeding since then.
Friday I told him that I needed my eye to clear up before a re-match because I didn’t want to break another blood vessel. I’ll have an excuse for the next twenty years.
I of course told a few people that I beat him and it has now spread to the entire plant.
I think the poor guy is loosing sleep over it.

It’s really heating up here now, yesterday we got to 90. Doesn’t sound that bad but when you work in a place that needs to be heated to dry leather it feels much hotter.
I need to go out and buy me some cotton breathable pants, yesterday I took jeans to work and they were killing me! All that sweat has no where to go the skin at the top of my legs near the ball area is rubbing raw when I walk and it hurts like hell. I did a self examination with a mirror yesterday and that whole end of leg/ball area is all red. I’ll post pictures if you would like me to. I still had to try to walk normal at work but when I got home yesterday I was walking like a prison bitch.
Or I can make some holes in the proper area on my jeans and boxers, maybe I can put a little fan there too, kind of like those hats that came out in the 80’s that had a little fan and a hole by the forehead. Does anybody remember those hats?
Don't forget to let me know if you would like me to post pictures of the rubbed raw area.


Brian o Vretanos said...


I wouldn't bother with the pictures if I were you...

Dan said...

ok, that's 1 no.
But what if I already took them?

Brian o Vretanos said...

Maybe you could sell them on ebay...

Dan said...

there all yours for 5.99 is you take them now.

Bee said...

Ha ha! For some reason, I'm picturing the scene in my cousin vinny where the tough guy keeps saying he wants to fight vinny...

An no, no picture please... sicky!

Tracy said...

I'm going to go with no on the pictures too Dan.
Here's the thing, you guys aren't exactly "pretty" in that area anyways but then you add chaffing and red raw areas... **shudder** then it's life changing and not in the good way.

Thanks for offering though.

Dan said...

Don't worry. Brian sent me the $5.99 already, they now belong to him.

Bee said...

So did the dude beat you up yet?

Jean Knee said...

I absolutely want to see those pictures