Thursday, April 23, 2009

My Hairs

So, I went to get my hairs cut yesterday, I was way overdue for a hairs cut two months ago. I walked into the Hair Cuttery and was happy to see that there was no one in the lobby so I would be next. The timing was perfect because I had dropped The Wife at the Target, it takes the hair cutter about ten minutes to cut my hairs so I would be back to the Target parking lot before The Wife finished shopping.

Two ladies where on duty, I’m not picky with my hair cutter, whoever is available first gets to rub my head and cut my hairs. I’ve had my hairs cut by both of those ladies before and I do prefer one over the other but not enough to wait any longer then I have to. As I was sitting in the lobby a lady walks in with her daughter, I was glad to have walked in just before them since girls take waaaay longer to get their hairs cut then guys. I was happy that the lady I wanted finished first so I was next….. I was wrong.

The lady walks up to me and says “sorry but they where here first

What? No, I was here before them.

No, they came in before you then went shopping next door and came back.

What? What? What?

How’s that even allowed in real life, you can’t do that!

I’d love to walk into Tony’s (where we buy all our groceries, the line is always crazy) stand in line for two minutes then do all my shopping (The Wife does all the shopping) and cut in front of everybody to pay first. I should have told the hair cutter lady “so, I can go to Dunkin Doughnut have a Doughnut and coffee and still have my place? What the fuck hair cutter lady! I told her I had no time to wait and left. I’d been going there for

about four years, they just lost a customer, not that they’ll miss my 3 visits per year but I have to make a stand! You are dead to me Hair Cuttery!

24 hours later…………..

So, I went back to the Hair Cuttery today. I know I said they were dead to me but it’s so close to my house and I’m normally in and out in ten minutes. A man and his son were ahead of me. I wondered to myself if I walked up to the lady and told her that I had to be next since I was here yesterday but went home to sleep then to work, then home and now I was back if it would work for me. Today I had to wait no matter what since like I said before I’m way overdue. I look like Wolverine from the X Men movie, which I guess is cool. I saw someone cutting hair that I’d never seen there before, it was a man…a gay man. I don’t know why and I’m even ashamed to admit but I was really hoping not to get the gay man hair cutter roulette. I was rooting for the women to finish just in time to get my hairs done by one of them. In order to avoid the gay man roulette I needed one lady to finish then for him to finish next, I was so afraid that both women would finish first and take the father and son and leave me all to him. Is that bad? Does that make me a homophobe? I don’t think so but someone else might think I am. Is it wrong of me not to want the person cutting my hair to get a booner while doing it? I mean how could he not? I’m a dammed good looking man, I look like Wolverine.

The chips fell in the order I hoped they would and my hairs were cut by the lady that had turned me away the day before……and I was dammed happy with her now, I guess it was meant to be.


Bee said...

Damn bitches at the hair cuttery! I thought you were going to sports clips with Andy?

Tracy Rambles On And On said...

Why do you go to a hair salon rather than a barber shop? I thought guys were supposed to go to barber shops to get their hair cut..
And why do you keep saying "hairs" instead of hair? Is there that few left that you can't call them a flock of "hair"?
And you should have waited for the gay guy. The best hair cuts I ever had were by gay guys. They know their hair (or in your case "hairs")

mariecordova said...

Can someone explain to Dan that "hair" refers to all the hair on your head and you don't have to say "hairs". He drive us crazy with that.

The Wife

Brian o vretanos said...

Have you ever been to one of those topless haircutting places? They had something on the TV about these in the UK a few years ago, but I've never seen one round here.

mariecordova said...

Brian do not put idea's in my husband's head.

If he wants a topless hair cut you can give him one. LOL

The Wife

Jean Knee said...

it's true, fags really are good at cutting hair

Dan said...

Yeah, bitches! Next hair cut Andy and I will have a man date.

I say hairs because when I cut them I cut them all and not just one hair. When people way they're goint to get A HAIR cut I always ask which one. And I'm not bald! My Canadian Propecia is working just fine.

Cool, I'd go if I knew were to find one.

I do not like the thought of Brian's Man boobs near my face.

Jean Knee
I'm telling Perez Hilton on you!
Can you believe that bull shit from Miss America!

Rhonda said...

We need a picture of Brian giving Dan a topless haircut. Will they both be topless?

just a girl... said...

lol. it always cracks me up about how choosy people are about who cuts their hair. I am the opposite I will not let a woman touch my hair. Give me a GAY stylist please.

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