Bed War

So, The Wife is trying to take over my side of the bed. We had to switch sides the other night because she wasn’t feeling well and my side is closer to the bathroom (I have a feeling that one is going to get me in trouble) the next night when I came to bed my pillow and Pure Sleep mouth piece was on her side of the bed.

“I thought you weren’t sick anymore
I’m not
So why are you on my side of the bed?
I like this side better so I’m staking my claim.
You can’t stake your claim on something that’s already been claimed!
Yes, I can. I don’t see a flag anywhere.”

I told her that since my side is closer to the door I’d be in a better position to protect her in case someone broke into our house.
That didn’t work so I then had to physically mover her to her side, it wasn’t that easy. The Wife is pretty strong for a chick.

I don’t understand how she can just switch sides, she has no loyalty to her side.
It’s not that easy for me to make a move like that, my side has molded to my body, when I slept on her side I felt like at the top of a hill about to roll down.
Why can’t we just leave things as they are, she moves the furniture and wall decorations around the house all the time, it drives me crazy!
I hate it when she rearranges the house, it takes me a few months to get used to the new look. I go to get a fork only to realize that the fork and spoon drawer is no longer the fork and spoon drawer and is now the small towel things that you put on the table to protect the wood from the hot plate drawer, what the hell do you call those plate coasters things anyway? And what’s wrong with the table getting a little hot? It’s not going to explode Wife!

I’m happy to report that I have defended my territory successfully.