And the winner is.........

So, I finally made up my mind. I’m voting for Sarah Palin ! uuhhh
I mean I’m voting for John McCain, don’t really follow the whole politics thing so I decided to vote for the party with the hotter chicks.

Cindy McCain is a total GILF !

Sarah Palin is a total MILF ( soon to be GILF )



USA ! USA! USA! USA!


Barack’s wife is way too wholesome for me.

Meat and the new Prez.

What’s the cutoff for eating leftovers?

I pulled some meat out of the fridge that was like 5 days old, The Wife who was on the way out was quick to tell me to get rid of it.
I was pretty hungry but since I wasn’t in the mood to argue I tossed it in the garbage, I waited for her to leave and took it back out, put it on a plate and nuked it.

As I was pulling my meat out of the microwave she came back in because she forgot her cell phone. I was totally busted and she was all grossed out, the meat was in a zip lock bag it’s not like it was exposed in the garbage.
By the way the meat was pretty dammed good still.

-----

So, I’m starting to think that I should make up my mind on who I’m voting for or if I’ll even bother to vote at all.

Obama will win hands down in Illinois so he sure doesn’t need my help.
There is no point voting for Mcain since he doesn’t stand a chance in my state, so why waste my time voting for either of them?

It’s not like the president is elected by the popular vote, if that was the case Jean Knee’s daddy (Al Gore) would have been the president.
Maybe we should throw away the whole “electoral vote” system and make the popular vote what counts.

The problem with that is no one’s going to give a shit about small rural states like West Virginia.(Je je je)

I see why the current system works but it makes me not want to vote.
What the fuck is up with all the early exit poll results!
It’s like 3 pm and they’ve already announced the winner, by the time people get out of work they already “know” who won so why bother voting?

I don’t think it really makes that much of a difference who wins anymore.
I’ll definitely make up my mind on who I’m voting for by Monday. I’ll let you all know.

Two are better then one

So, I was visiting the Mothership the other day and crashed on the way home.
I’m so sorry Maxine, I’m sorry I got distracted; it kind of wasn’t my fault. The car in front of me came to a full stop while I was checking my mirror.
There’s some construction going on in the highway, they have the regular lanes closed and the ramp to get on is really short.
I slammed on the brakes but didn’t come to a full stop so I hit the guy in front of me.
No real damage to Maxine just a scratch, the other car’s bumper was falling off.
The Wife claims that because I drive with two feet I wasn’t able to react quickly enough.
Personally I think it’s better to drive with two feet, you have two pedals, you have two feet. One for the gas and one for the brake, some people think that in a split second you’re likely to react with the wrong foot. Hit the gas instead of the brake or the brake instead of the gas.
I totally disagree with that because the left part of your brain controls the right side of your body and the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. So if you have to brake there is no way you would hit the gas or vice versa. I brake with my left foot so the right side of my brain is telling my left foot to brake.
If I drove with only one foot the left side of my brain would be telling my right foot to brake, but now my brain also has to make the distinction between the gas and the brake. The probability of hitting the wrong pedal is way higher like this, plus it takes longer to react due to the fact that you know have to hit the right pedal.
So all you one footed drivers out there need to start using your left foot too, if you get into an accident because you followed my advise I do apologize, although it’s not really my fault, it’s your dumb brains fault.

Back again

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned, it’s been 18 days since my last post but who’s counting?
My computer has been busted, I was too cheep to pay someone to get it fixed so I gave it to my brother who gave it to some guy at his work who left it abandoned on his office floor for a week, That guy then gave it to another guy who “fixed it” but didn’t really fix it. That guy then gave my “fixed” computer to my brother who gave it back to The Wife.
The Wife plugged it in only to find out the “fixed” computer was exactly the same as before.
The Wife then gave the not fixed computer to me, I then gave it to some guy who I had to pay 50 bucks to really fix it.
I challenge all for you out there to go two weeks without a computer, it’s really hard.
No e-mail, no getting directions, no blogging, no internet porn, no reading up on recent events, it really sucks ass!

After a few days I started to write down possible blooging topics on a little pocket notebook.

9-26
“guy at work is an ass hole”
I remember writing this down but I don’t remember what ass hole from work I was referring to and why he was an ass hole that day.

That was my one and only entrée.

The Wife and I (and my Mommy) when to a restaurant yesterday to celebrate brother Serge’s B-day. The food was good but they gave The Wife horrible service.
There was a huge variety on the menu, goat cheese, octopus, morsilla ( these are pig intestines filled with pig blood and vegetables) shrimp and much more.
The Wife ordered a chicken salad with fries. Could you believe that everyone was pretty much done eating and she was still waiting for her food.
Somehow it’s easier for these fuckers to make octopus and pig blood then chicken salad.
To make thing even worse, when they finally brought the chicken salad I told the waitress we were still missing an order of fries. She said “ we already brought the fires but the people at the other end of the table ate them, would you like another order?”
Did the people at the other end of the table ORDER THE FRIES ?!?!?!?!?!
You stupid fucken bitch !!!!!!!
I think that Arnold guy ate them, boy he really is a Dick although he denied it when we met for the first time. He said “Hi, I’m Arnold and I’m really not a Dick”

We later went to a blues bar, I wasn’t sure if I liked the blues until yesterday when I realized how much the blues really sucks. They had a guy singing that looked like an older Morgan Freeman, he looked like Morgan Freeman’s grandfather.
This guy could barley stand up much less sing I couldn’t understand a word he was saying other then “woman” blahsur whuehne WOMAN ! burrlove Woman.

On the way home I stopped by a Wendy’s and got The Wife a large order of fries.

Sponge Porn

So, somehow I was watching Sponge Bob Square pants today for the first time ever. I have no kids so I’ve never had to endure the torture. Although if I did have them I would never let them watch such garbage as Sponge Bob, my kids would be watching the good cartoons like South Park and Beavis and Butthead, now that’s some funny shit.

What caught my attention more then anything else was a character named Squidwad.
Squidwad looks like my inverted left testicle (my right one is far more attractive) they even draw him with wrinkles and give him the “sesame seed” look at the top of his head.
His nose and eyes look like…….well, judge for yourself, what do they remind you of?

Not Fair

So, can you fucken believe what I had waiting for me in the mail yesterday?
JURY DUTY !!!!!
Yeah, after spending most of last week in court I now have to go and serve jury duty.
Isn’t that against the law? I think it’s called Double Jeopardy.
I hope they don’t select me because I’m putting someone’s ass in jail.
I don’t care how innocent they might me.
I don’t even want to hear the facts of the case, GUILTY !




Went to dinner with The Wife yesterday the receipt looked like this.

1 taco dinner 7.99
Carne Asada 11.99
1 Margarita 5.00
2 Coronas 10.00

Total 34.98

15 % Tip 5.24
20 % Tip 6.99

Total Amount _________


I’d like to thank the people at “Panchos Pistolas” for telling me how much I should tip, how nice of them to work out the math for me. I felt like Mr. Pink.

After that we went to a Sox game and left in the 5th inning, I got to get my sleep man.

Wow, I’m watching the news. They’re showing all those Texans running from the hurricane, I think I just saw Ronda humming away…in her H2.
I hope Jean’s cock is safe.

System failure

So… I’m done with the whole murder trial thing. It was a real pain in the ass, the first two days went something like this.
Check in.
Sit in a room for 2 hours, with a bunch of cops and lawyers.
Move to another room, sit for two hours with a bunch of cops and lawyers.
Move to a room near the court room, sit for two hours with a bunch of cops and lawyers.
Stand in front of a judge who tells you that by law you have to come in again the next day then go home.

I had an inside view of how the legal system works or should I say doesn’t work.
You have a room full of cops and detectives complaining, saying stuff like.
“I hope this goes to trial today, it’s the fourth time I come in for this shit”
Minutes after that someone would come in and tell them their case has been pushed back another month.

How do we let these criminals and grease ball lawyers get away with this!
They find any excuse to postpone a trial, I heard stuff like:

“The defendant is sick and can not be prosecuted today”
“The defendant would like to start a motion to suppress evidence”
“The defendant would like to bring in a new witness”
Most of these guys posted bail and are walking the streets.

It’s only when they’re in jail that it goes to trial right away.

I could feel the frustration of the law enforcement people in the room.
Waste of time and tax money.

We need to revamp the system, have deadlines and not allow so many postponements. The case I was involved in was 4 years old.

After I was done with my testimony the family of the victim were all hugging and thanking me.